Angry SMS

A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Tryinghis best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"
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An angry husband returned home one night to find his wifein bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted.To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk ofalcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," shebarked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting inat six o'clock in the morning?" "There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

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I went to a psychiatrist because I was having severe problems with my sex life. The psychiatrist asked me a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of my problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy,... she looked VERY angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."
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Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
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One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
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A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursda
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Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.
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Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.y, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.

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Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

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Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last.
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If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.

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If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase.

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Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

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When anger rises, think of the consequences.
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Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.

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It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

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Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.
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I have to be honest with myself. I think I am going to get booed badly. I am very well aware that some fans are very angry.
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It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.

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Speak when you're angry,
and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
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Do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.

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I would rather players get angry when they're dropped than take it lying down.
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One should not lose one's temper unless one is certain of getting more and more angry to the end.
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An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason.
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When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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Anger is a bad counselor.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret

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Malice drinks one-half of its own poison.

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Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
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Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.

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Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
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Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
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Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.
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If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.
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Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.

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Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.
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Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.
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If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.
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In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
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The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.

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Get mad, then get over it.
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Never write a letter while you are angry.
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Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge.
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Anger is one letter short of danger.
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There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.
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