A Kiss isn't a Kiss without some tongue
So Open your mouth, Close your eyes
and Give your tongue some exercise
Love is a Gambling, Don't play with it
Guys get fun, Girls get blame
10 minutes of fun, 9 months of pain
Then a baby comes out without any name.
Enjoy it or think it before you do it
Similarity between Viagra & Rail reservation counter? Both make you
stand for 1 hour for a 2 minute job...
Q: Wats d definition of a 'lesbian?' A: Just another damn Woman.....
tryin 2 do a man's job!!!.
Qus: Who is senior,
PENIS or VAGINA.
A:VAGINA
b'cos PENIS always stands up when he sees a VAGINA..So respect the seniors!
During sexual session the girl says:"u r like a mobile phone!"Boy:
"Do I vibrate a lot?" Girl:"No,when u get in 2 d tunnel u loose network
Richman to poorman- "How-come ur penis so big? Poorman-replied:
"B'coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play"!!!
Sardar wid Grandson.Late nite Shouts,"I need a Girl,I hv an
Erection!" Gson says,"1st its 2 Late,2nd ur 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holdin is mine"
4 road signs which stands in front of a womans vagina....
1)Caution-dark tunnel. 2)Drive carefully-road wet n slippery. 3)Go slow.4) Men at work
There are two things men really like women to do in hurry. Dress and undress
Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, that's not prohibited.
Boy: if I kiss you and run away then what will you think?
Girl: I will think that a fool instead of attending the full paper just
attended the one mark alone and failed.
Teacher: explain responsibility.
Student: mam your blouse has four buttons, if three buttons break down the
entire responsibility will be on the fourth one.
Advertisement by Panty Company: we are not the best in the world but we
are closest to the best thing in the world.
A note in the sex magazines shop: please hold the magazines with both
hands while reading.
Why do women put red lipstick on their mouth? To inform men stop this is
not right hole.
Teacher: why cow looks tensed after giving milk? Student: madam, if some
one presses your breast for I hours and don't fuck, how do you feel.
A boy and animal went to river to take a bath. As he removed his clothes
all animal laughed at him.
He asked: why are you laughing at me?
Animals: your tails in front.
Girl: what do you like in me?
Boy: those two balls having black dots in center.
Girl: you rascal are you with me for that?
Boy: yes, I like your eyes.
Who's guilty? Wife dreaming in the night suddenly shouts "quickly my
husband is back" man get up, jumps out of the window and realizes, dammit
I am the husband.
Customer: my wife needs a bra but I don't know the size. Salesgirl: touch
my breast and try to calculate. Customer: oh I forget he needs panties
too.
Misuse of English: a diagram in a book was not clear. So teacher drew the
diagram on the blackboard and announced. Don't look at the book figure,
look at my figure.
Husband and wife are like two tyres of a vehicle. Even if one punctures,
the vehicle can't move further. So intelligent people always keep stepney.
Boy saw a lady with big boobs.
He asked her: can I bite them for $1000?
She says: ok they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse.
The boy kisses, licks, puts his face in them, presses them hared for 10
minutes
Lady asks: aren’t you gonna bite them?
He replies: no, it’s too costly.
A guy picked up for a date. Guy: why are you wearing your belt around your
knee? Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my
belt.
Who is senior's vagina or penis? Answer: vagina because penis always
stands up when he sees a vagina, so respects the seniors.
A college girl was in jeans pant and zip was open. Boy went and told miss
please close your taj mahal door here my quthubminar is dancing.
What's common between sun and a women's underwear? Both are hot, both look
good while going down, both disappear by night.
One man married lady traffic police. Friend asks how your 1st night was.
She collected Rs.100 from me for over speed, Rs.200 for wrong side entry,
Rs.500 for no helmet.
Do you know why girls wear a shawl on top of their churidar, because it's
Indian tradition to cover all eating and dirking things when not in use.
Completing engineering is like a girl pregnant everyone will appreciate
the outcome, but no one knows how many attempts were made.
Kid by chance enters into parent's bedroom and is shocked at what he sees.
He shouts at his mom and you scold me for just sucking the thumb.
Midnight hot: After 1st night. Husband: dear what do you think about our
first night? Wife: darling 5% pain, 5% enjoyment and 90% old memories.
Contest in a girl's college: write a short essay which contains religion,
sex and mystery. Winners essay: oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did
it.
A boy wanted to have sex with girl friend ashamed of his small penis
decided to bring girl friend in dark place opened his zip and put his
penis on girl friend hands.
Girl friend: No thanks, I don’t smoke.
Define rape: it’s an operation without co-operation for the insertion of
projection into depression without permission for the production of next
generation.
Doctor: do you watch your husband face during sex? Lady: I did once and he
looked very angry. Doctor: why? Lady: because he was watching from the
window.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in
yours, but you can’t put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of
Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night? Aunty: he was checking
my temperature. Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.
What is meant by burning desire while making sex? It’s when you discover
that the Vaseline you applied before fucking in the dark was the tiger
balm.
What is the difference between a cricketer and condom? A cricketer drops
the catch and a condom catches the drops.
What’s the similarity between school bell and girls hole? When you hit any
of these, children come out.
Sardar: I divorced my wife on the first night.
Friend: why?
Sardar: I saw the label on her panties “tested ok”
What is sex? Its science with wife, its art with girlfriend, its commerce
with prostitute and its social service with aunties.
Who is a true music lover? Ans: a girl is singing in a bathroom while
taking bath and a boy near the keyhole is using his ears and not his eyes.
Man with no penis used a vibrator for years one day wife caught and asked:
how dare you cheat me? Man: I will explain about the toy, can you explain
about kids.
How to tell your girlfriend if you are going to urine during dinner? Dear,
I’ve to shake hands with a close friend whom I am going to introduce you
later.
Dad brought a robot which slaps a person who lies.
Dad: son, where were you?
Son: School, robot slap. Son: film.
Dad- which one?
Son: sai baba, robot slap again. Son: "A" film
Dad: what? I have not seen such films, robot slaps dad.
Mom: forgive him dear after all he is your son, robot slaps mom.
A few quotes on girls t-shirt:
there s a face above this, don't forget.
Object here appear bigger than they are.
I made you look at it.
F ck all that is missing is u.
Don't try to find sun here, its not mountain. This one is really tough for
Edmund Hillary.
An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and
see his own wife in it.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in
yours, but you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of
yours but you will never know the depth of mine.
Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night?
Aunty: he was checking my temperature.
Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.
Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother.
Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers
character bad.
Girl: my right leg is lunch and left leg is dinner, what you will like to
have?
Boy: I would like to have snacks between lunch and dinner.
A maths professor sent a sms to his wife. Dear you are now 54 years old
and unable to satisfy me. Now I am with my 18 years old female student so
I will be late tonight.
Wife replied: dear you're also 54 years and unable to satisfy me. Now I am
with our driver who is also 18 years. As you are mathematicians you know
very well that 18 goes into 54 many times more than 54 goes into 18 so
don't come tonight.
Sardar was very angry because all jokes were about him; he asked his wife,
tell me one joke without my involvement. His wife said: I am pregnant.
Wife: remove my nighty.
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my bra
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my panty
Sardar: ok
wife: never wear my dress again
Less noise: implementation of sex using while loop.
#include sex.h
#include bed.h
void pain ()
{
int sleep=0;
clothes=0;
voice=aah:
do fucking(); while (end1=pleasure);
get condom();
else
getchild();
}
Difference between good girl and bad girl. Good girl Open a few buttons in
hot atmosphere, but bad girl open all button to make the atmosphere hot.
An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and
see his own wife in it.
A couple having sex in bedroom asked son to stand in the balcony and keep
telling them what's going on outside.
Son: john is buying fruits, Tina is playing and Michael uncle is fucking
his wife.
Dad: what? Is he doing it openly?
Son: no, I haven't seen him but his son is also standing in the balcony.
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to
take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.
Salesgirl: sorry sir you can't smoke here.
Customer: but I bought cigarette from this shop.
Salesgirl: we shall sell condom also but it doesn't mean you start fucking
here.
Nurse came out with a new born kid. Sardar rushed to take the kid and
after seeing screamed, I got son. Nurse slapped him, leave my finger you
fool, it’s a girl.
Man charged for necrophilia judge: I haven't seen such a case in 20 years.
Can you give me one reason why you did it? Man: I can give three 1. Its
none of your business. 2. She was my wife and 3. I don't know she was dead
as he always behaved this way during sex. He was pardoned.
A dancer bends down, a USA guy puts $100 in her panty; English guy puts
$200 in her panty. A Sardar took his ATM card, swipes between her ass and
takes all $300.
Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and keeps looking at it. Madam
asks: don't you have sex in the village? Maid: yes we do, but not till the
skin fall off.
Boy: how much calcium is there in woman's breast? Girl: I don't know but
it has enough calcium to help man boneless things stand up.
Man1: my wife is afraid of water?
Man2: how do you know?
Man1: Last night when I returned home, she was in the bathroom tub with
our security guard.
A girl wearing a very short skirt.
Boy: wont your mom tells anything about your dress?
Girl: my mom will be very angry because I am wearing hers.
Lady: my boobs look smaller.
Doctor: come daily for one hour I will suck it and make it bigger.
Lady: my husband penis is also small, shall I bring him.
Wife read a book and tells her husband, a bull fucks 300 times a year. You
don't do quarter of that. Husband: does the book say the bull fucks the
same cow?
Don't play with street dogs, you may get rabies and don't play with smart
boys you may get babies.
Boy: I am 20years old, what about you?
Girl: I am also 20 years old.
Boy: then come to my bed room,
girl: for what?
Boy: for playing 20-20.
A quote written on women t-shirt: no use of looking they won’t get bigger,
unless you work on them.
Johny came crying,
dad: what happened?
Johny: today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who
sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my
bench mate pulled it out.
Dad: that's bad, but why you are crying?
Johny: I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped
me.
During Gandhi times, if aids were known, what would happen? Then the 4th
monkey would have kept his hands down.
Biology class master: all of you draw the male reproductive system.
Student: sir please close your zip, girls are copying.
Monkeys and girls are same, because they fight only for banana. Boys and
rats are same because they are always searching for new holes.
Girl is the best vehicle in the world front two bumpers, back two bumpers,
self lubricant when hot, finger touch ignition, monthly automatic engine
oil change, every type of piston fits, highest mileage of nine months in
just two ml fuel.
Why bays walk fast and girl speak more? Because boys have one extra leg
and girls have one extra mouth.
Define bra: under shoulder ball holder.
Define underwear: under hip banana grip.
Define panty: jungle river cotton cover.
90yrs old man: my 18yrs wife is pregnant, your opinion.
Doctor: I tell you a story. A hunter in hurry took an umbrella instead of
gun. He saw a lion and lifts the umbrella and pulls the handle. The lion
drops dead.
Old man: that’s impossible someone else must have shot it.
Doctor: exactly now you understand.
What’s the difference between hook in cricket and hook of bra? One sends
ball out of boundary and another keeps balls within the boundaries.
Explain rape: it’s a difficult job, something like playing golf with a
moving hole.
Prince and Sardar were having dinner, prince says, pass the wine you
divine. Sardar thinks how poetic, Sardar says pass this custard you
bastard.
Judge: why do you want divorce?
Man: she doesn’t satisfy me on bed.
Judge: is it true madam?
Lady: dam it! The whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problems.
Women’s life is very hard. Morning: wash the dress. Noon: dry the dress.
Evening: iron the dress. Night: remove the dress. Midnight: search the
dress.
What’s common between a girl and amul butter? Both are utterly butterly
delicious when spread. One on bed and another on bread.
Do you feel boring? Thinking what to do? Open the zip; insert your two
hands in-between the zip take out your book from your bag and study.
Husband: I am going out for five days. Wife: ok but don’t surprise me by
coming back early otherwise you will be surprised.
Nurse put patient finger in her mouth, after blood test. Patient starts
dancing, nurse asks: why you are dancing? Patient: next is urine test.
Lady patient: Doctor please cal my husband inside. Doctor: Trust me I am
gentleman. Patient: No Dr. your nurse is sitting outside and my husband is
not gentleman.
What is heaven?
Thousand of girls and buckets of beer.
What is hell?
When you come to know that the buckets have holes and girls don't.
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: “can kids of our age have kids?”
Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”
Boy said to girl : “see i told you not to worry!!!!”.
Wife: I am going to London. What gift do you want? Husband: a British
girl. (Wife return to India) husband: where is my gift? Wife: wait for
nine months.
One roman girl asks an Egyptian boy what you will do for me. Boy replies
come behind the pyramids, I will make you mummy.
Elephant to camel: why do you have boobs on your back? Camel: that is a
fucking good question from someone with a penis on his face.
Sex is like restaurant, sometimes you get good service, sometimes bad
service, sometimes no service and many times you have to be happy with
self service.
Husband come home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoot his
friend to death wife said “if you behave like this, you will lose all your
friends one day.
How to activate sex card. Open bra, press nipples, scratch the panty, and
insert pennies. A sweet sound will confirm the activation validity nine
months
Ten girls jumped into swimming pool. Suddenly, all water disappears why?
New whisper ultra absorbs all water.
Teacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Boy: my penis in your hand.
Teacher: what’s this?
Boy: oh I forget to put space between pen and is.
Biology teacher asked students to draw the female reproductive organ. A
girl feels shy and looks down. Boys shouts miss she is copying.
A beautiful wife in bed spread her legs wide and asks sardar do you know
what I know? Sardar: I know you naughty; you want to sleep alone on entire
bed.
Aids awareness Logan. 1. Cover your stump before you pump. 2. Protect your
ghilli don’t be silly.
Which instrument is 7 inches long? Goes in to a wet hole, moves front and
back, makes white foam of liquid? Toothbrush!
Divorced couple arguing for son’s custody. Wife: I gave him birth so he is
mine. Husband: if I put coin in cool drinks machine and cool drinks comes,
is it mine or machine.
Six benefits of girls milk. 1. Cat can’t drink. 2. No need of glass. 3. No
expiry date. 4. Packed in beautiful container. 5. No need to boil. 6. 1+1
offer.
Which is most difficult sport in the world to watch? Women’s doubles
tennis- 9 balls bounce at a time and you don’t know which one to watch.
Lovers went to film; a mosquito enters girl’s skirt. Guess where it bites?
Naughty mind always think bad, it bites on boys hand.
Define breast? B-beautiful R-round shaped E-equipment A-amazingly S-soft
with T-tasty milk.
You may love your girl friend very deeply, but you cannot express it more
than 7-8 inches deeply.
Son: daddy what’s the difference between confidence and secret?
Daddy: dear, you are my son that is confidence. Your friend ramu also my
son that secret.
Blind boy giving sweet to all. Aunty came from bathroom without dress to
get sweets, knowing he's blind. Aunty: what's special? Boy: I got my eyes.
Don't marry and make a woman happy infact remain a bachelor and make
several women happy.
Who's guilty? wife dreams at night suddenly shouts "quick my husband is
back" man gets up, jumps out the window and realize" damit i am the
husband.
Burial worker : Your husband's coffin isn't closing due to his erect
penis.
Wife : Cut it & put in his ass because that's the only hole in the town he
hasn't fucked.
What is the difference between a child and an egg? Egg is an result of a
sitting hen and cuild is a result of standing cock.
Girl and boy lost in jungle After two days of struggle for food and
water, girl said-dear plz fuck me. boy asid: why? girl said: abey kuch to
ander
jayega.
The most difficult golf course in the world is... "Women Hole" any
style you play... as many shots you try... & as much perfection you
have... you
can never get your balls in...!!!
A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”
Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”
Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”.
Girl:It’s 2 tight
Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal:It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!
Let me kiss ur lips,
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
“PEPSODENT”
reminding you to brush ur teeth,
Twice a day Everyday
What’s an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy’s pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive
It’s the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It’s called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.
Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I’m in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.
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